Definition of a Five Minute Warning

I thought I'd take a moment to explain what a Five Minute Warning is.

I give patrons a warning five minutes before I have to turn the computers off and again five minutes before the library closes.

Let me make this clear. A five minute warning in the library is like the last minute of play warning in the NHL. As soon as the final minute ticks down on the clock, the game is over. Is there a shot in the air? It doesn't matter. The game is over. Thanks for coming. Bye now.

Similarly, when the five minute warning is up at the library, all patrons should be gone, the lights should be turned off, and the door should be locked.

When I'm wandering around giving patrons a five minute warning at the library, I would appreciate it if you would do the following:

1. Quickly finish up your current thought on anything you're working on (an e-mail, a paper you're writing, etc).
2. Log out of any website you're using (if applicable).
3. Shut down your notebook computer (if applicable).
4. Pack up all of your things, including any garbage.
   
5. Proceed directly to the circulation desk with any library materials you'd like to check out.
6. Leave the library.

If you begin this process as soon as you hear my five minute warning, you should have ample time to leave the library before it closes.

After a five minute warning has been given, the following comments/request may be met by wild laughter or an icy glare (depending on the staff member):

• "I need to look something up online for a school paper"
• "I just need to log into Facebook for *one* minute"
• "This is a matter of life-or-death!" [this doesn't apply to any circumstances that are *literally* life-or-death. However, a library probably shouldn't be your first choice in those cases.]